I’ve been laid low in recent weeks, and last Monday everything came to a head.
I found myself sprawled across my bed, barely able to move. The whole right side of my head, face and neck felt hot and inflamed; like it was on fire.
My brain fogged and my limbs were heavy.
My back had locked up – just one spot right behind my right shoulder blade.
And my digestion stalled – I was experiencing some not-so subtle signs from my body, highlighting what I have tried so hard to ignore over past months.
I had it coming my way for sure – a result of hectic travels on my recent holiday (3 states in 7 days), the long work days here on the farm, and ignoring the transition in weather this chilly autumn. My body was trying to speak to my mind: stop running and deferring, start dealing.
So I gave into my body’s demands – I shed the “everything’s OK” story, lost my “brave face” and HAD to rest.
I must admit it was very very hard to hear what I was being told; as a perfectionist and meticulous analyser I find it hard to admit when I’m gone wrong. I also find myself regularly paralysed by indecision and fear – so hard to act when I’m so caught up in the “what ifs” and making the “right choice”. But my body insisted that my mind needed to LET GO.
LET GO OF IT ALL.
Let go of others’ expectations for me.
Let go of right and wrong, black and white.
Let go of things that no longer serve me.
Ironically, the only way forward to recovery was to relax and seek more space in my life. Where I would normally go into overdrive to fill my days with busy-ness – to do more, be more, see more – I was forced to stop and watch. To retreat and listen not to others’ but to my inner self (a hard thing for me always!)
A little over a week on and I’m feeling more centred. More content. And there’s definitely more space and time in my life. But I’m working hard at it – meditation, lots of sleep, staying warm, and [most importantly] good eating. No caffeine, no grains, limited dairy. Plenty of fresh and greens.
Now that I write all this down, it seems like a simple lesson. But one that I’ll cherish – I am reminded how enriched our lives can be with the addition of conscious “pauses”; to reflect, assess and recalibrate. For that, I am grateful I chose to listen well to my body.